Weight:
1-17 > 171 lbs
1-19 > 169 lbs
1-21 > 168 lbs
1-23 > 166 lbs
1-24 > 165 lbs
1-26 > 161 lbs
1-27 > 161 lbs
1-28 > 161 lbs
Total trips to the bathroom in the sitting position in ten days: 82
Worst I felt: day 11
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Day 11: Done
DONE!! Yesterday was day 10... boy it feels good.
I only drank one drink yesterday (instead of 2) and it was with only 5 tbsp of syrup because we ran out. Today I feel very weak, the worst I have felt throughout the whole fast. But this morning after drinking my tea, I got to sip on some orange juice. Sweet Jesus, it was so good! As I type this I am enjoying my second OJ of the day. Life is good.
Tomorrow, OJ for breakfast, Raw Fruits & Veggies for lunch, and for dinner I am going to make a big pot of Miso vegetable soup. I can't wait. Then by Thursday I will be able to eat pretty much whatever I want. I am so excited.
This whole thing was really an amazing process, facinating. In doing this, I really proved something to myself. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done either. All that said, I am so looking forward to eating all those things I was craving over the last 10 days and also having a solid poop (still never came up with a better word than that).
I have developed such a huge respect for good food, you wouldn't believe. Orange juice never tasted so good!
Went: 82 times
I only drank one drink yesterday (instead of 2) and it was with only 5 tbsp of syrup because we ran out. Today I feel very weak, the worst I have felt throughout the whole fast. But this morning after drinking my tea, I got to sip on some orange juice. Sweet Jesus, it was so good! As I type this I am enjoying my second OJ of the day. Life is good.
Tomorrow, OJ for breakfast, Raw Fruits & Veggies for lunch, and for dinner I am going to make a big pot of Miso vegetable soup. I can't wait. Then by Thursday I will be able to eat pretty much whatever I want. I am so excited.
This whole thing was really an amazing process, facinating. In doing this, I really proved something to myself. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done either. All that said, I am so looking forward to eating all those things I was craving over the last 10 days and also having a solid poop (still never came up with a better word than that).
I have developed such a huge respect for good food, you wouldn't believe. Orange juice never tasted so good!
Went: 82 times
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Day 9: 11:30 am
I am in the middle of the salt water flush as we speak. No matter how many times I have done it it is still a bizarre feeling to have the water flush right through you. Roto-rooter style.
weight: 161
gone: 68
weight: 161
gone: 68
Friday, January 25, 2008
Me vs. Mark McGwire
You may ask why I feel the need to cleanse myself in such a way. This is a good question, I offer you this as exhibit A.
The year was 1998, I was in the last semester of college, Bill Clinton was in the White House, I didn't know anyone who owned a cell phone and I had never heard of Al Qaeda or a blog. Life was good.
The place was East Lansing, I was working like a dog in an attempt to "finish strong" in my university studies. The wonderful home run race of 98 was going on between Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa, people of all ilks were again celebrating the national pastime. In my scholastic frenzy, nutrition was not high on my list of concerns and was trumped by convenience. This being said, there was a Taco Bell on the way from school to my house and another 1/2 block from that flop house where several of my friends lived, which served as my second home. I ate at Taco Bell a lot.
I think it was sometime in September, that I decided to do something to feel a part of this historic home run race that was playing out in front of the nation. I decide to start chasing Mark McGwire. What? you say. No I didn't take to the back yard with my fungo and try hitting the ball over the fence. I went more with something that at the time was my strength. Like I said before, I ate at Taco Bell a lot.
The way I look at it the Nachos Bell Grande is the Home Run of the Taco Bell menu. You guessed it, I started eating Nachos Bell Grandes in an attempt to catch Mark McGwire. When I started Big Mac was way ahead of me, but I didn't care, I had a heart of gold and a cast iron stomach. I was going to catch Big Mac.
It was really easy, actually. I would just grab a Bell Grande for lunch as I was going to class and then one on the way home for dinner. I didn't tell anyone about this until I got past the 10 mark, but then I took it public to my friends. This is when I really started to make up some ground on Big Mac. My friends, being the type that can recognized a great idea, jumped fully behind me. It was around this time that I at 6 Nachos Bell Grandes in a 36 hour window.
The whole time that I was doing this people would cringe upon hearing about my history chasing. They would say, "how can you do that to yourself?" Honestly, it didn't phase me one bit. It was sub par food, yeah, but it wasn't the worst thing in the world. I mean, I once ate a whopper (note: I now have a standing boycott of Burger King) that had been sitting out on our living room table for 2+ days in the August. Once, for an entire week I ate nothing but a noontime meal of the #3 at McDonalds (note: I no longer eat non-breakfast at McDonalds) because I had no money and it was cheap and the super size will take you a long way. So really this little "Chasing History" thing that I was doing was not that big of a deal to me.
My friends and I dreamed up senecios where I would write letters to Taco Bell telling them of my story, they would love it and fly to East Lansing with their Taco Bell helicopter and tell me over a free Bell Grande that they wanted to feature me in a TV ad. The ad would be so well received that eventually I would replace that damn Chihuahua and be their spokesperson. The Jared of Taco Bell, if you will. In the transition commercial, I would have the pleasure of punting the little dog into fast food spokesanimal oblivion. We had it all worked out and looking back, it probably would have happened, if we'd just written that letter.
In the end, I didn't catch Mark McGwire. His head start was just too great. My final total was somewhere in the low 30s, 32 or 33 perhaps. I know that when you pro-rate the race between me and McGwire, I blew him away, no contest. But I wasn't bitter, especially in hindsight, now knowing that McGwire was using the steroids. I can truthfully say, I was not using steroids. Other performance enhancing drugs perhaps, but no steroids. I left that race knowing that on a level playing field I could eat more Bell Grandes than McGwire could hit dingers. And really, that is all I needed.
As time went by my attention to nutrition slowly grew to the point where I cared what I put into my body. Now looking back at my historic Bell Grande binge it isn't something that I would entertain again. But you can't change the past and I take pride in the fact that for a couple weeks in the early autumn of 98 there were few people on this earth that could put away a Nachos Bell Grade like I could.
The year was 1998, I was in the last semester of college, Bill Clinton was in the White House, I didn't know anyone who owned a cell phone and I had never heard of Al Qaeda or a blog. Life was good.
The place was East Lansing, I was working like a dog in an attempt to "finish strong" in my university studies. The wonderful home run race of 98 was going on between Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa, people of all ilks were again celebrating the national pastime. In my scholastic frenzy, nutrition was not high on my list of concerns and was trumped by convenience. This being said, there was a Taco Bell on the way from school to my house and another 1/2 block from that flop house where several of my friends lived, which served as my second home. I ate at Taco Bell a lot.
I think it was sometime in September, that I decided to do something to feel a part of this historic home run race that was playing out in front of the nation. I decide to start chasing Mark McGwire. What? you say. No I didn't take to the back yard with my fungo and try hitting the ball over the fence. I went more with something that at the time was my strength. Like I said before, I ate at Taco Bell a lot.
The way I look at it the Nachos Bell Grande is the Home Run of the Taco Bell menu. You guessed it, I started eating Nachos Bell Grandes in an attempt to catch Mark McGwire. When I started Big Mac was way ahead of me, but I didn't care, I had a heart of gold and a cast iron stomach. I was going to catch Big Mac.
It was really easy, actually. I would just grab a Bell Grande for lunch as I was going to class and then one on the way home for dinner. I didn't tell anyone about this until I got past the 10 mark, but then I took it public to my friends. This is when I really started to make up some ground on Big Mac. My friends, being the type that can recognized a great idea, jumped fully behind me. It was around this time that I at 6 Nachos Bell Grandes in a 36 hour window.
The whole time that I was doing this people would cringe upon hearing about my history chasing. They would say, "how can you do that to yourself?" Honestly, it didn't phase me one bit. It was sub par food, yeah, but it wasn't the worst thing in the world. I mean, I once ate a whopper (note: I now have a standing boycott of Burger King) that had been sitting out on our living room table for 2+ days in the August. Once, for an entire week I ate nothing but a noontime meal of the #3 at McDonalds (note: I no longer eat non-breakfast at McDonalds) because I had no money and it was cheap and the super size will take you a long way. So really this little "Chasing History" thing that I was doing was not that big of a deal to me.
My friends and I dreamed up senecios where I would write letters to Taco Bell telling them of my story, they would love it and fly to East Lansing with their Taco Bell helicopter and tell me over a free Bell Grande that they wanted to feature me in a TV ad. The ad would be so well received that eventually I would replace that damn Chihuahua and be their spokesperson. The Jared of Taco Bell, if you will. In the transition commercial, I would have the pleasure of punting the little dog into fast food spokesanimal oblivion. We had it all worked out and looking back, it probably would have happened, if we'd just written that letter.
In the end, I didn't catch Mark McGwire. His head start was just too great. My final total was somewhere in the low 30s, 32 or 33 perhaps. I know that when you pro-rate the race between me and McGwire, I blew him away, no contest. But I wasn't bitter, especially in hindsight, now knowing that McGwire was using the steroids. I can truthfully say, I was not using steroids. Other performance enhancing drugs perhaps, but no steroids. I left that race knowing that on a level playing field I could eat more Bell Grandes than McGwire could hit dingers. And really, that is all I needed.
As time went by my attention to nutrition slowly grew to the point where I cared what I put into my body. Now looking back at my historic Bell Grande binge it isn't something that I would entertain again. But you can't change the past and I take pride in the fact that for a couple weeks in the early autumn of 98 there were few people on this earth that could put away a Nachos Bell Grade like I could.
Day 8: 10:30 am
A month ago, if you would have told me that I could have gone a week without eating food, I would have finished my cheeseburger and then punched you in the stomach. I have now made it over a week with no chewing, and I feel great. I am not going to lie, I am looking forward to eating next week, but I don't really have a real hunger.
This ranks up there with the time I rode in the back of a Pickup for 25 hours straight. Got in in Naples, Fl after drinking a ice tea and eating a roll of sprees and I didnt get out for 25 hours until I was in Detroit.
gone: 57
This ranks up there with the time I rode in the back of a Pickup for 25 hours straight. Got in in Naples, Fl after drinking a ice tea and eating a roll of sprees and I didnt get out for 25 hours until I was in Detroit.
gone: 57
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Day 7: #50!
I hit #50 this morning... and I have to tell you I feel like the chancellor of poop town.
In a 24 hour period from Tuesday at noon to Wednesday at noon I went 18 times! I can tell you friends, I don't recommend this.
I am not really hungry at all, yesterday I drank only 1 nalgene of the drink and I didnt have any hunger at all. I am licking my chops at the thought of all the wonderful soups that I am going to make after this is all done. And Hummus, I want me some hummus.
weight: 166
gone: 50
In a 24 hour period from Tuesday at noon to Wednesday at noon I went 18 times! I can tell you friends, I don't recommend this.
I am not really hungry at all, yesterday I drank only 1 nalgene of the drink and I didnt have any hunger at all. I am licking my chops at the thought of all the wonderful soups that I am going to make after this is all done. And Hummus, I want me some hummus.
weight: 166
gone: 50
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Day 6: noon
Ever wonder what would happen to your butt if you went to the bathroom 47 times in 5+ days? Well, I can tell you exactly what, and it aint pretty. Holy Jesus! But hey, what should I expect when cayenne pepper is 1/3 of my diet. Much more of this and my eye color is going to change.
Did the salt water wash again this morning. Flush is the correct term too.
In the last 24 hours I have done all of the following:
Happily made use of the Target bathroom.
Had to get out of the shower (quickly) to go to the bathroom.
Seriously thought about putting a sponge in my butt.
Been meticulously planning my daily menu for next week.
Did the salt water wash again this morning. Flush is the correct term too.
In the last 24 hours I have done all of the following:
Happily made use of the Target bathroom.
Had to get out of the shower (quickly) to go to the bathroom.
Seriously thought about putting a sponge in my butt.
Been meticulously planning my daily menu for next week.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Day 5: 11:20 am
Day 5 finds me feeling a bit weird. Kind of like before the big #22 storm hit.
Using organic Lemons now and the mixture isnt as sweet. besides that just another day with no food.
The whitest Ethiopian you know.
gone: 28
Using organic Lemons now and the mixture isnt as sweet. besides that just another day with no food.
The whitest Ethiopian you know.
gone: 28
Monday, January 21, 2008
#22
#22 was the most violent yet. It was proceeded by 10 minutes of intense abdominal pain. I got dizzy and felt really bad all over. Went to the bathroom (#21) and unfortunately was at work, so I couldn't really let it fly. Then I went back to my desk only to have the pain continue and quickly realize that I wasn't done with what I had started. #22 felt like I threw something out of my body... and of course I did... complete with acoustics of olympic proportions. And quite literally as soon as it was done I felt fine again. The whole bad feeling episode lasted about 25 minutes.
From what I have read about this process, when I start to feel bad is when there are toxins being released into my bloodstream, and the way to keep this from happening is to go to the bathroom as much as possible. I can now attest that this is true. Because I either passed some major toxins today, or had some sort of exorcism of the lower GI. Either way, I'm cool with speaking of it in the past tense.
I went to Target today at lunch (it smelled like buttered popcorn in there). The shopping list included
12 rolls Toilet paper
15 Liters distilled water
I Didn't see Kim Jong-Il which was a bummer.
Then to Whole Foods after work for:
40 Organic Lemons
32 Fl Oz. of Grade B organic maple syrup
Praise be to Nero's Neptune,
The Titanic sails at dawn...
weight: 168
excretions: 23
From what I have read about this process, when I start to feel bad is when there are toxins being released into my bloodstream, and the way to keep this from happening is to go to the bathroom as much as possible. I can now attest that this is true. Because I either passed some major toxins today, or had some sort of exorcism of the lower GI. Either way, I'm cool with speaking of it in the past tense.
I went to Target today at lunch (it smelled like buttered popcorn in there). The shopping list included
12 rolls Toilet paper
15 Liters distilled water
I Didn't see Kim Jong-Il which was a bummer.
Then to Whole Foods after work for:
40 Organic Lemons
32 Fl Oz. of Grade B organic maple syrup
Praise be to Nero's Neptune,
The Titanic sails at dawn...
weight: 168
excretions: 23
Day 4: 10:15 am
Just hit #20!
and it feels like a dream.
It really is amazing how much you notice food when you can't eat it. Food is everywhere, on TV... at work. And it is really amazing how food is such a central theme to the average persons life.
Also, watching television yesterday it was quite amazing that a commercial can literatly make my mouth water... and shit, there are a ton (shit ton?) of Subway commercials on during a football game.
no cravings.
and it feels like a dream.
It really is amazing how much you notice food when you can't eat it. Food is everywhere, on TV... at work. And it is really amazing how food is such a central theme to the average persons life.
Also, watching television yesterday it was quite amazing that a commercial can literatly make my mouth water... and shit, there are a ton (shit ton?) of Subway commercials on during a football game.
no cravings.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Day 3: Saltwater Rinse
This morning I did the salt water rinse for the first time.
This involves mixing 1 quart of luke warm water with 2 teaspoons of uniodized sea salt and then drinking it... quickly. At first it is just kind of salty, but by the end it is down right gaging.
I started drinking the stuff at 9:12 am, finished it at 9:26 and at 9:42 it was of the utmost importance that I got to the bathroom. and that lasted about an hour... and now I am definitely being cleansed.
From what I read, the laxative tea "loosens" and the salt water rinse "clears away" the toxins. Brother, I am here to tell you, it does indeed "clear away"...
I have gone now 7 times in the last hour and it is like nothing I have ever experienced. literally shooting water out of your butt... The stuff dreams are made of. You know when you fill your cup at one of those self serve soda machines? It's kinda like that.
the going count stands at 15.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Smooth Move!
Smooth Move! What a great name for a laxative tea. This stuff isnt that bad either. I mean you could totally serve this to someone as a joke, lets say the night before they are supposed to run a fun run.
Day 2 - 3 pm
so I've gone 7 times so far. None since 8 am this morning though. I woke up craving Chinese food. all things considered I feel really good... seeing as I haven't had food in like 43 hours. The drink I made last night was heavy on the Cayenne and it was tough to choke down. This morning I made a much better blend.
As a crutch, I have turned to the television. I know, I suck. I have already watched 2/3 of the "Bourne" trilogy. Also yesterday I purchased the 2nd season of the Muppet Show and have watched the first disk of that too... which is great!! I figure instead of eating food with my mouth, I will eat television with my mind. Hey, desperate times... watch TV I think Ben Franklin said that. I can't wait for Thanksgiving, I said that.
I have literally zip tied the cupboard shut to deter from any of my late-night-half-asleep cookie wanders.
Day 2 weight: 169
Tomorrow I am doing the salt water drink... wait until you hear about this!
As a crutch, I have turned to the television. I know, I suck. I have already watched 2/3 of the "Bourne" trilogy. Also yesterday I purchased the 2nd season of the Muppet Show and have watched the first disk of that too... which is great!! I figure instead of eating food with my mouth, I will eat television with my mind. Hey, desperate times... watch TV I think Ben Franklin said that. I can't wait for Thanksgiving, I said that.
I have literally zip tied the cupboard shut to deter from any of my late-night-half-asleep cookie wanders.
Day 2 weight: 169
Tomorrow I am doing the salt water drink... wait until you hear about this!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Day 1 - noon
So this morning was easy, I was pumped to finally be doing this after days of preparing for it... But now, it is "lunchtime" and everyone else is eating. I have the sweet smells of coworkers Lean Cuisines wafting into my office. The reality that this is going to be way tougher than I thought is really setting in.
I have read that while doing this I will crave foods, often bizarre foods that you don't even like. Right now I am craving a sub, but not just any sub... in 1999 I worked as a park ranger in Mason, MI for the summer. That summer I would often go to this little store that had a deli and made the best homemade subs. It is these subs that I can taste in my mouth right now! Mind you I havent had these subs in almost a decade and I havent thought about them in almost as long. However, this morning I can taste them on my tounge as clear as if I had just taken a bite of one... very surreal, about as surreal as tastebuds can get I suppose.
Other notes:
- I have already gone to the bathroom twice.
- The cayenne pepper leaves a very strong after taste. I have found it is way easier to chug this lemonade, because the cayenne only comes on AFTER you are done drinking.
- My pee smells like popcorn. That is disturbing on several fronts.
So I decided I am not going to eat food for 10 days...
Seriously, I am fasting. I wish I could say it was for some noble cause like getting Don Rickles on the Illinois primary ballot or maybe banishing Danza to some remote island, but alas, the reason is neither.
I am embarking on the personal challenge that is the Master Cleanse. Yes, I know this is ridiculous. Or are you ridiculous? Or is that show on FOX where they strap people up to a lie detector machine and ask them questions like, "Is your wife fat?" when she is sitting right there and clearly is fat, Ridiculous? huh?
So as you read this, know that I am enjoying a wonderful blend of Grade B maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and distilled water. And will be for the next 10 days. Ah, the drink of the clean innards gods.
Over the next 10 days I hope to chronicle my journey into the nonchewing abyss. I will do everything I can to stop myself from posting pictures of my... "waste"... although I will provide a count of how many times it happens along with any of the side effects that are sure to test my will. I hope to discover the difference between pain and pangs. I have never been so excited about my own excrement as I am right now. I want to go as much as I can over the next 10 days. Which brings me to a question for you, one of those I hold closest to me and will cybershare this experiment with you. How should I refer to poop? bowl movement sounds too doctory, poop too 2nd grade, dung to African plains, crap too Tennesse. Right now I am leaning towards the hand crafted term excrementated... but I think that is weak.
I weighed myself last night at 171. Then I promptly went out to dinner and ate all the sushi and miso soup that my gullet would hold, knowing that it was my last meal for 10 days.
So here goes nothing, feel free to mock me or offer words of support. Ask questions or throw stuff at me. Any way you slice it, I am not eating for the next 10 days. I am expecting MLK day to be the hardest... but isn't it always?
But isn't it always?
I am embarking on the personal challenge that is the Master Cleanse. Yes, I know this is ridiculous. Or are you ridiculous? Or is that show on FOX where they strap people up to a lie detector machine and ask them questions like, "Is your wife fat?" when she is sitting right there and clearly is fat, Ridiculous? huh?
So as you read this, know that I am enjoying a wonderful blend of Grade B maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and distilled water. And will be for the next 10 days. Ah, the drink of the clean innards gods.
Over the next 10 days I hope to chronicle my journey into the nonchewing abyss. I will do everything I can to stop myself from posting pictures of my... "waste"... although I will provide a count of how many times it happens along with any of the side effects that are sure to test my will. I hope to discover the difference between pain and pangs. I have never been so excited about my own excrement as I am right now. I want to go as much as I can over the next 10 days. Which brings me to a question for you, one of those I hold closest to me and will cybershare this experiment with you. How should I refer to poop? bowl movement sounds too doctory, poop too 2nd grade, dung to African plains, crap too Tennesse. Right now I am leaning towards the hand crafted term excrementated... but I think that is weak.
I weighed myself last night at 171. Then I promptly went out to dinner and ate all the sushi and miso soup that my gullet would hold, knowing that it was my last meal for 10 days.
So here goes nothing, feel free to mock me or offer words of support. Ask questions or throw stuff at me. Any way you slice it, I am not eating for the next 10 days. I am expecting MLK day to be the hardest... but isn't it always?
But isn't it always?
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